"How's married life treating you?"

“What does it feel like to be a wife?” I asked my dear girlfriend Christy after our wedding ceremony was over. “I’m not sure I feel it yet.”

“That’s because you don’t know yet what kind of wife you will be. You get to choose,” she said. “It’s what ever you make it, my darling girl.”

So, over the past month since the wedding, we’ve been crafting a marriage. We wanted to honour the love we’ve found and set things up for success right from the beginning. And what we’ve found is, as simple as it might sound, being gentle and kind with one another is the key that’s made this very quick transition into something that feels like gold.

We’ve chosen gentleness, kindness, an eye to peace, and much, much laughter, which has made our married life into a joyful dance, a comforting blanket, an hysterical stand-up comic session, and an emotional work-out all in one.

When angsts come up for either of us, we are remembering to focus on what it is we do want, instead of what we don’t want, and keep a gentle hold of the present moment and bigger picture. And we allow ourselves and each other to feel what ever it is we are feeling. It’s been very natural and surprisingly easy to swing into each other’s lives.

However, there has been a lot of time spent at my end in going through all my cupboards, drawers, closets and under the house, trying to make space in what has been a house for one person, into a house for a husband and wife.

Now, you may be wondering about the wedding and honeymoon, so let me tell you about the wedding first.

For the Big Day we wanted something very small and intimate, which resulted in a ceremony with just a handful of guests. It felt very old-fashioned in some ways. Instead of hiring strangers to do much of the ‘stuff’ that goes with a wedding, we hired or incorporated our friends’ talents.

My hair, for example, was done by my friend who’s usually a doctor. I sprung it on her at my hen’s party two nights before the wedding. Since I hadn’t arranged anything special and she was able to create a look that seemed elegant, yet practical (no hair falling in my eyes, that kind of thing) I went with that.

Amazingly, it turned out to be the hairstyle Andrew has literally dreamt his bride would have. We both had tears when I walked down the isle and our eyes met. I wanted to kiss him as soon I got to the front but luckily remembered I was supposed to wait for that.

The celebrant was an old friend who’s known me for fifteen years and she wrote the most beautiful and personally touching ceremony. However, in keeping with the unconventional path Andrew and I both love, it happened that the celebrant couldn’t make it on a Tuesday (I’d had a strong ‘intuitive hit’ with the date we were to be married, and it happened to fall on a Tuesday). So instead we asked my best friend Christy if she would stand in and read the ceremony on our wedding day.

It felt like a true honour to be married by my best friend. During the ceremony itself was the first time Andrew and I had heard the wording, so we looked at each other through our tears, smiled and melted and saw only each other.

Christy was almost as emotional as us in some places, which was lovely too. She and I have been through thick and thin together over the last twenty years; she’s like a sister. So having her blessing and her presence up there in that sacred space was incredibly precious. (Even though the official paperwork had to be done later, but I’ll get to that.)

Andrew’s gorgeous grown daughter was ‘best man’ and read a very uplifting and yet grounded passage about marriage we’d chosen. Her genuine delight at seeing her dad so happy made Andrew feel like the luckiest man alive and me feel so welcome in their family. She was also our bonus photographer and took beautiful photos of the occasion.

My girlfriend’s husband, Matt from The Canape Project, did the mouth-wateringly delicious catering. Which meant we could just kick back with our guests and enjoy amazing food for two nights and two days (we hired a beautiful old restored Queenslander in Montville for the wedding, with five bedrooms so guests could stay and celebrate with us).

Bec from Sunshine Photography took the delightfully rustic, elegant professional photos. She’s done the photos for my website, so we were happy to have a photographer we knew we’d feel comfortable with. She was excellent at creating and capturing moments where it felt the world had dissolved and it was only Andrew and me.

Andrew’s best mate and his wife took care of setting up the chairs and the styling with ribbons, trinkets and chalk-board writing. I was ever so thankful for their help. As it turns our things take time to prepare on a wedding day and you can’t be setting up the chairs and getting your hair done at the same time. I relearned the value and joy that comes with allowing other people to help you.

My mum graced the audience with her incredible dignity and wisdom and gave me the biggest hug after the ceremony. She shared how thrilled she is to have Andrew as her new son-in-law and like me, feels like he’s been part of the family for ages.

It was, all in all, a glorious day full of love, joyful tears and laughter and new beginnings.

For our honeymoon we jet-setted off to Thailand, just one day after Andrew’s passport had been processed (nothing like cutting things fine). It was his first time overseas as an adult and I loved darting through the wild traffic in the back of the taxi, seeing his face light up at the rubber tree plantations, hickledy-pickledy shop fronts, tropical gardens and general mayhem you feel when landing in parts of Asia for the first time.

We took a boat and stayed on a little island called Koh Yao. It’s one of the last islands with an authentic local fishing village still largely untouched by tourism. There were limestone cliffs (like in the James Bond film) and we went on original long boats, visited the rubber tree plantations (so interesting to see how rubber is harvested!), kayaked around the bays, took a Thai cooking class, and gazed at each other to the exclusion of everyone else as we are so apt at doing these days.

It was everything and nothing like the honeymoon we expected. Sometimes we have an idea of what something should be like, and it either falls short or exceeds your expectations. Koh Yoa, with it’s unpredictable supply of electricity, oppressing heat, and isolation was both wonderful and testing, and that was the beautiful thing about it, because we came home more united as a couple than ever. I put on weight too, which I never do, so that’s a sure sign we are truly settling into married life!

Arriving home, we had another wedding ceremony. This time with the celebrant, to sign all the paperwork and make everything official. We hadn’t planned anything for this process and ended up having the second ceremony at her mum’s house, where my late dog Jordie had often stayed when I went away, so I felt connected to my dear old companion. And beautifully, this time little Lacey-Jane could come and play with the other dogs too.

It was actually a really lovely thing to do. We got to hear the ceremony all over again. We’d felt our love grow even stronger and we could delight in and relish the beginning of our partnership all over again.

Funnily enough, I was even more emotional the second time. But just when I thought I might have to take a break to gather myself together, one of the dogs placed his hamburger chew-toy between Andrew’s feet wanting to play fetch and we all broke out laughing.

We had champagne and the best scones, jam and cream I’ve ever tasted as we signed the certificate, and felt so calm, relaxed and genuinely happy. It was another very private occasion celebrating what we’ve created together.

Not long ago I didn’t have any examples of relationships I desired for myself. Marriage really didn’t hold much, if any, appeal for me.

Then I opened up and began noticing other young, often entrepreneurial women who had strong but gentle men supporting them all the way. Their examples changed what I thought was possible in this world. It also shifted what I was looking for in a partner. Instead of the usual adrenaline I was used to equating with love, I looked for something much deeper. More solid.

With Andrew it feels like a tree trunk growing through my chest, down through my abdomen and into the earth. It’s so grounded it’s unshakable.

He is my partner, my friend, my soul-mate. And now, he is my husband.

So, what does it feel like to be a wife? For me, it feels expansive, supportive and supported, secure, light-hearted, grounded and gentle. In fact, being Andrew’s wife feels like a natural extension of who I already was, only fuller.

I’ll be taking two weeks off over the Christmas break to go camping in the van with Andrew and Lacey-Jane. Then in the new year I have some exciting news I’ve been working on for months now, which I can’t wait to share with you!!!

Wishing you a very blessed holiday season.

With love,

Nicola xx