What is Your Relationship to Criticism & Feedback?
In order to grow in our creative life, our personal expression and our painting abilities, it’s handy to know about feedback; how we relate to it, when and if we need it, who we need it from, how to ask for it, and why it can be useful.
My Relationship With Feedback
My relationship with feedback over the years has been a rocky one. There’s been times in my life when the slightest hint of disregard or criticism has sent me spinning, not wanting to keep painting but instead curl up in bed watching re-runs of Friends with a steaming cup of English breakfast tea for comfort.
But part of studying art at university involves a process called critiques, where you have to present your new paintings to the class, your lecturer and possibly a guest from the arts industry. It was at times, all in all, quite a nerve-wracking experience.
Along the way I grew to understand my relationship to feedback in a more intimate way. I discovered how I wanted to weigh up someone else’s opinion of my work and decide if I wanted to take it on board what they said, or let it slide away. I explored what allowed me to feel safe, and what I truly desired to express and experience in my creative life.
I grew into new skills, developed old skills until they took me to a deeper level of expression, and in doing so, my self respect and personal satisfaction grew as well.
Why Feedback?
Combined with a little awareness, feedback can be a useful tool in your creativity tool kit. It can help you see your paintings and creations from a fresh perspective and spur you on to explore new territory.
I’d love to share with you 4 Tips I Wish I Knew as a Young Artist and then we’ll dive into some prompts and questions for you to explore your relationship with feedback and how it can best support you and your growth in your creative life.
4 Tips I Wish I’d Known as a Young Artist
Timing of Feedback
We all have a different pace when it comes to looking for and being receptive to feedback during a creative process. I’ve found it can also vary as we go through different ebbs and flows in our creative life. Some people are happy to receive feedback right the way through a creative endeavour, while others have specific points when they benefit most from feedback, while others don’t want or desire feedback at all.
When I’m beginning a new style for example, or I’m exploring a different material, or basically learning how I want to move forward, I’m less inclined to want to hear anyone’s comments. Whereas, when I’m nearing the end of a painting or it’s finished, I’ll sometimes seek feedback out from people I trust and respect.
Be aware of your own timing and rhythms and honour your creative journey by doing the best you can to invite feedback at times when it suits and supports your development, sense of safety and expansiveness. Do this by paying attention to your personal process, noticing how feedback supports or disarms you, and accepting yourself exactly as you are. You don’t have to change yourself to suit others, you are the leader of your creative life. Your role is to honour and nurture your own inner spark so you have the courage and momentum to bring to life the creative dreams inside of you.
Source of Feedback
Consider the source of your feedback; is it coming from someone you respect, whose accomplishments and way of being inspire you? Do you see a quality or aspect in their creative practice you’d like to emulate? Sometimes people will offer feedback that doesn’t feel like a good fit, and in that case, I find it helpful to look carefully at what their values are and see if they are in line with my own.
I’ve had people in my life who were confronted by my creativity, who didn’t feel like they themselves could be creative, or who were frustrated in their own life in general, and I found their feedback was best taken with a grain of salt. At times, I stopped inviting their feedback entirely as the cost of their words was too great for my inner spark, confidence and inspiration. Do what you need to protect your creativity and carefully consider the source of the feedback you receive. Be discerning about who you listen to and who you invite into your creative community.
Boundaries for Feedback
Setting boundaries for feedback has been one of the most useful things I’ve learnt as I’ve grown older. Of course, I couldn’t tell my lecturers how to offer feedback in critiques at university, but I have given myself permission to gently explain what I need at different phases of the creative process to the people who are close to me now.
I’ve gradually surrounded myself with people who lift me up, who want me to shine and who aren’t in competition with my creativity and it’s done wonders, and I mean wonders, for my sense of safety, confidence, curiosity, creativity and productivity. As much as you can, I highly suggest surrounding yourself with people who support you and genuinely want the best for you.
Consider how you might like to establish boundaries for when, who and if you wish to invite feedback about your work. We can’t control other people, but there is a lot we can do to express what we need and take a stand for our fledgling creations and inner spark. These days I’m not shy to say to my husband, “I just want oohhs and ahhhs” at this stage,” and he happily offers his encouragement and enthusiasm for my half-completed creative work.
Benefits of Feedback
As a somewhat defensive young artist, it took me a while to warm up to the benefits of feedback. I was raised believing everything had to be positive, or said in a positive way, in order for it to be useful. I thought speaking anything negative was going to harm your potential. So opening myself up to criticism and ‘critiques’ was entirely foreign to me.
But what I discovered was quite different. Yes, there were times when feedback was so far off the mark it threw me considerably, but there were more times than not when it helped me to develop, grow in confidence, and feel more a part of my creative community. It also pointed me in directions that were my strengths, affirmed my sensibilities and helped me focus on and develop areas that needed more attention.
Feedback on my paintings and creative projects helped me to take ownership of the themes that were important in my life and thus helped me to focus my attention on creating a life that was increasingly more and more in line with my values. For example, I realised nature and the landscape were incredibly rich and rewarding for me and that was where I needed to spend time in order the fill my own inspiration, fuel my creativity, connect with something bigger than myself and paradoxically feel more at home in my own skin.
Feedback also highlighted how naturally I came to painting abstract paintings where others found it a struggle. I discovered the areas I thought were working were sometimes, but not always, the areas other people thought the painting was working too. Not all feedback is negative. Not all is restrictive. Some feedback opens us up, encourages us and spurs us on.
As Shaun McNiff says in Trust the Process, “The effective critic genuinely cares for the person or situation being evaluated. There is an overriding and sincere concern for improvement. The most useful criticism occurs in an environment where people feel safe with one another, where there is common respect and purpose, and the realization that there will be ongoing support during the process of change and experimentation with new ways of acting.”
Feedback can be an illuminating way to fast track your confidence and growth, provided you proactively set boundaries that work for each stage of your creative development and you allow yourself the freedom to grow at your own pace.
Now, let’s explore your own personal relationship with feedback.
HOW TO USE THIS EXERCISE
You’re invited to use this exercise in whatever way supports you, lights you up and works for you.
You may like to journal after reading the prompts and see where they lead, you may like to write your reflections in a Google document and keep it in a folder, or you may feel excited about having a ceremony burning the pages once you’re finished.
Whatever you choose, I encourage you to read through the questions and ponder your own relationship with feedback. I’ve noticed by simply reading and reflecting on these questions you’re putting into motion a new awareness of your needs, your desires and your uniqueness. And remember, you are free and encouraged to embrace or relate to feedback in whatever way supports you at this stage in your creative life.
YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO FEEDBACK
Do you have people in your life who you trust, respect and feel safe to ask for feedback from? Who are they? Why do you trust them?
Are there people you feel you don't want to invite feedback from? Why don't you desire their feedback?
Do you desire to find more people who you feel comfortable sharing your creative life with and if so, where can you find them? What steps can you take to invite more creative, supportive people into your world?
Consider how you might like to establish boundaries for when, who, and if you wish to invite feedback. We can't control other people, but there is a lot we can do when it comes to clearly expressing what we need. How can you ask clearly for what you desire? Think about your boundaries and practice expressing them below.
Have there been times in your life when you stopped creating?
Why was this? Was it due to someone else's feedback of your work? Was it your own inner critic? Perhaps you felt you simply didn't have time. Reflect on what caused you to pull away from expressing yourself.
Where are you most sensitive to feedback in your life now? Why do you think that may be?
In what areas are you most open and receptive to feedback?
What's your relationship like with your own inner critic? Does it at times offer helpful guidance about your creations, or do you feel it tries to pull you down? Perhaps it does both. Reflect on what it says and how you feel in relation to its voice.
Do you hold yourself back due to your inner critic's negative judgements?
Are there areas in your life where your inner critic is a productive co-creator and partner in what you do? I’ve found the more we accept all aspects of ourselves, the more wholeness we experience and the more effective we are. See if you can find any areas where your inner critic may actually be useful, helping you decide what to leave, what to adjust, what to try next and reflect on those below.
Have there been moments in your life when you’ve desired feedback from others? What were you looking for?
Compare these situations to times when you were most sensitive to feedback. What made the difference in your experiences?
Reflect on your history of giving criticism to others and to yourself. Has timing been an important element?
Have there been times in your life when you weren’t receptive to feedback? What were your world and life like then?
What changes have occurred that make it easier for you to accept feedback now? Or were you better at receiving feedback at earlier times in your life?
Do you want feedback on your creative projects at this stage, or do you feel it’s time to nestle into a cocoon of personal expression where you’re expressing your own inner vision? There’s no wrong or right answer, but it’s sure useful to know what you desire right now so you can take steps to give it to yourself.
