Ep.12. How do You Handle Challenging Emotions Amidst the Creative Process?

So what do you do when you want to express yourself, complete a new project that’s important to your heart, your work, or to your creative legacy, but the fear of putting yourself out there is too much and you find yourself falling into a creative shame spiral?

You’re sitting on the couch and your mind is telling you that what you have to share, say, write, paint or produce isn’t good enough, isn’t polished enough, isn’t unique enough.

You don’t have enough time, resources or experience to bring this important, heart-led project to life. Perhaps the deadline is looming.

Or if you don’t have a deadline, perhaps you just simply avoid the project altogether. Because the emotions that come up when you are about to pick up that paintbrush, or begin to write those words or breath life into that project are too overwhelming. Too uncomfortable and icky. I’ve been there.

So. Many. Times.

Click play to listen to the framework I love to follow to navigate challenging emotions amidst the creative process.

Click play to listen {25 mins} or read the transcript below.

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Know someone who needs to hear this episode? Please be sure to pass it on!Join us in our global, year-long creativity school Flourish: The Art of Creative Living here. And if you want to enjoy a taste of working with me, register for my free 7 Day Introductory Art of Creative Living course here. Until next time, be gentle with yourself, nurture your creativity and follow your heart and I hope you have a lovely day ahead.

With my warmest wishes,

Nicola xx

PS. I’d love to know what you thought about this episode….please leave a comment below if anything stood out for you.  And of course, you can always comment below to let me know about any other topics you’d like me to explore in the Art of Creative Living Podcast.*The process outlined in this episode was adapted from Bari Tessler's framework for navigating difficult money situations and emotions.

Episode Transcript

How Do You Handle Challenging Emotions During the Creative Process?

So what do you do when you want to express yourself, complete a new project that’s important to your heart, your work, or to your creative legacy, but the fear of putting yourself out there is too much and you find yourself falling into a creative shame spiral? You’re sitting on the couch and your mind is telling you that what you have to share, say, write, paint or produce isn’t good enough, isn’t polished enough, isn’t unique enough. You don’t have enough time, resources or experience to bring this important, heart-led project to life. Perhaps the deadline is looming. Or if you don’t have a deadline, perhaps you just simply avoid the project altogether. Because the emotions that come up when you are about to pick up that paintbrush, or begin to write those words or breath life into that project are too overwhelming.

Too uncomfortable and icky. I’ve been there. So. Many. Times. 

When I’m working with private coaching clients and also sometimes members of Flourish: The Art of Creative Living, they might share how surprised they are to discover the intensity of some of the emotions that can be triggered during the creative process. Simultaneously, they are also relieved to hear they are not alone, strange or weird to be experiencing those emotions. Expressing our creativity is a vulnerable, brave thing to embark on. And depending on your personal Creative Living Story and history, it can be triggering or it can be joyful, full of freedom and playfulness.

Meeting yourself with compassion and acceptance with whatever your experience is, will make the creative process easier, sustainable and a wonderful anchor to living authentically and finding more satisfaction. However, if you find you are triggered and experience strong emotions during the creative process, what do you actually do? How do you process all of those emotions that cloud your thinking and send sensations through your body? They could be feelings of disappointment, vulnerability, fear of the unknown or looking foolish, creative shame and even anxiety. Perhaps you might find yourself picking a fight with your honey - that’s a great distraction when the feelings of vulnerability are strong. Or perhaps you find yourself suddenly cleaning your house and very interested in doing loads of washing as a way to avoid your studio. How do you take care of yourself and start to soothe your body, mind and heart so you can begin to see clearly and take action on creating this thing that is deeply meaningful to you? Instead of numbing out, distracting yourself or getting lost in a fight, flight or freeze response, how can you make the project doable, enjoyable and fun, even? 

You see, it doesn’t matter how long we have been exercising our creative muscles, there are still going to be growing edges to our creative expression; projects or experiences that can stretch us out of our comfort zone and bring up all kinds of challenging thoughts and emotions. If we just ignore them and hope they go away, they often will morph into creative blocks and stop us from taking action on the things that are deeply meaningful to us, the things that can help to move our work or business forward, and ultimately, the projects or processes that hold the key to more fulfilment and satisfaction in our lives. I’ve been beginning and finishing creative projects for decades, but I still find myself experiencing a creative shame spiral at times, particularly if I’m trying to do something new or find momentum with a project again after time away. I still have emotional reactions and triggers that bring up a sense of dread, fear or anxiety in the face of making something new or when it comes to putting myself and my work out there. 

The point of developing our creativity and our relationship with ourselves amidst the creative process isn’t to avoid the emotional discomfort that can accompany the experience of stepping into the unknown to do something we haven’t done before. That’s impossible. The point is to give ourselves the tools and practices to help us be brave, give ourselves a sense of safety and move forward towards what our heart is calling us to, rather than being stopped in our tracks by fear.  

We all go through ebbs and flows in life and with our creativity. No matter how much experience we have, we will still experience fear or uncomfortable emotions amidst the creative process. For example, there was the time I was commissioned to paint a 3 metre x 12 metre painting for the foyer of the Star hotel on the Gold Coast. It was the largest painting I’d ever been commissioned to complete and my husband and I had just sold our house and my studio and bought a 35 foot sailboat. I no longer had a space to paint. So, I hired a studio in Marrickville while we lived on the boat in Sydney Harbour and I went and painted every day. Some nights I slept in our van parked in front of the studio in order to get it completed in the short time-frame for the client. I experienced a whole gamut of emotions during that project, from excitement, to joy, to self-doubt and fear I wouldn’t complete it in time. The other time, I was putting together this podcast. Writing the introduction, choosing what parts of my story to include and what to leave out, and the feeling of transparency and accompanying vulnerability knowing people might listen in and judge what I shared. It was a project which took more emotional labour than I’d anticipated. That was another creative challenge, full of emotions I had to navigate during the creative process. I could name a few more big ones. This is totally normal and part of being human. While every year has its ups and downs, this past year has been full of upheaval for so many. I have heard of everything from being laid off from work and being in lock down for months, to losing loved ones and workmates to COVID, to feeling devoid of inspiration for creative expression amidst the grief, to finding time to finally finish writing a book that’s been in draft form for years, to huge downturns in revenue for some creatives while others have started up new side businesses and started selling their products online or at local markets. I’m seeing so many different sides of the spectrum and they all come with their own challenges, gifts, responsibilities and emotions. Including, quite often, big uncomfortable emotions; fear, uncertainty, vulnerability, shame, grief and sadness. Today, I want to share a simple framework and some practices to support you in moving through some of your own challenging emotions during the creative process:

Number one: name what’s happening.

There’s something freeing and powerful about putting words to an experience. It can help us to feel a sense of relief amidst the sense of panic, confusion or uncertainty about what we are facing. Even if we don’t know how to shift it yet. When I say to myself, “I’m making work that feels vulnerable,” or “I’m working through a new creative project that I haven’t quite figured out yet,” or, “I’m in the middle of a fight, flight or freeze moment during this creative process,” just putting words to the experience and naming it is a huge relief. It creates a little bit of space between me and the experience - allowing me to begin to be less overwhelmed and triggered by it. You might notice your heart-rate increase, or thoughts begin swirling in your mind about the quality of your work and your creative ability, or another fear response. Or you might find yourself noticing every little domestic chore that needs attention in your house and find yourself very focused on folding loads of washing. In that moment, you might simply say to yourself, “I’m feeling afraid of looking foolish,” or “Hey, self. I’m learning a new creative practice here and I’m clearly going to need to give myself time to learn new skills. It’s ok”. Or, “Wow, I’m navigating some big life transitions now and it’s impacting my inspiration and my relationship with my creativity.”

Number two, practice the inquisitive pause and notice your emotions.

If you’ve been around my work you’ll know, I love teaching you about the Inquisitive Pause. Which is a simple process of taking a moment to pay attention and check in with yourself. Noticing your body’s physical sensations, your emotions, your breath. Taking a moment to notice what’s going on for you, without judging what you find. Just noticing. Checking in and asking, “What feeling am I experiencing right now?”When I give myself a few moments to check in with myself, just be curious - not worrying about or judging what I find - I find it creates a little gap in the experience where I can find some space for a little self-kindness and perspective. There are no wrong or right emotions. When I notice what is there without trying to change anything, just noticing and naming what I’m feeling, I find it makes such a difference.

Number three: Notice your thoughts.

What stories are coming up for you? What memories are you having at this moment? You might like to ask, “What does this remind me of?” While we are checking in with our bodies and emotions, naming that we are facing a creative challenge, take a moment to let yourself be curious, notice and name anything this experience reminds you of. Is it resurfacing old experiences or memories? What is coming up from my past? What am I believing this says about me or my creative abilities?

Number four: Attend to your body with love.

During the creative process, we can feel stressed and our bodies can be stressed, too. Take a moment to ask yourself, “What would feel really good for my body right now? How can I soothe myself?” This helps us to slow down and truly be kind to ourselves. It could be as simple and noticing you would like a cup of tea, or hydrating yourself with water. It could be taking some time to sit in the garden soaking in some Vitamin D. It could be doing a few simple yoga stretches. It could be rubbing your neck with a gentle self-massage or shimmying your shoulders. Attending to our physical body and what it needs can help to soothe our nervous system. And it’s this self-soothing that helps us to self-regulate and navigate difficult emotions amidst the creative process. Take a moment to listen to your body and give it what it would find comforting during this moment. Try not to rush this part of the process. Our bodies tend to move at a slower pace than our minds and our quick thoughts sometimes. This is a lovely way to help slow you down and bring you back into this moment.

Number five: Begin to ask some new questions.

Instead of asking questions like, “Why does my work always look like crap” or “Why do I always get stuck and never finish anything?” Those aren’t great questions. Instead, when we use our creativity to come up with new, more empowering questions, we can discover a whole range of solutions, tools, practices, ideas and actions to help us move forward with more joy, ease and grace. I encourage my clients to ask themselves questions in the moment, as each creative project has different conundrums and we each have differing needs, resources and situations. Let yourself come up with questions that relate to your project and see where they might lead in the moment. You may find yourself asking questions such as, “How can I make this creative process feel more joyful, playful and fun?” or “What would help me to feel safe sharing my work here?” or “How can I nurture my inspiration?” or “What would fan the flames of my creative desires so I feel pulled along by my enthusiasm for the process instead of trying to flog myself uphill and feeling so self-critical?” or “How can I make this creative project easier, simpler and more enjoyable?” For example, when I was completing the huge painting for the foyer of the Star Casino on the Gold Coast, I asked myself what materials would help me to complete it in the easiest way possible. Having clean rags to wipe my brushes was important, so I made sure to stock up on clean, cheap towels I could tear up so I was ready to go with a huge pile when the canvases arrived. Simple things like giving ourselves the materials we need can make a huge difference to how we experience the creative process. I also knew I was going to be pressed for time, as my process requires me to work with the oil paint while it’s still wet. So making sure I had food was important. By asking myself how I could set up for a more easeful creative process, I discovered it was well worthwhile to stock up on Japanese lunches ready to go from the local food court, so I didn’t have to worry about preparing food while I worked. I also noticed I began to feel stressed by the clients’ short deadline and needing to adjust the composition mid-way through, so instead of having a melt-down I asked myself what would help me to find focus, calm my nervous system and produce a work I was proud of and the client would be delighted by. I found using a mindfulness app on my phone helped me with some guided mindfulness meditations and a future self meditation where my older, wise self reassured me all would be well and reminded me that I had all the skills I needed to finish the commission. Asking new questions can spark helpful ideas that will help you find your unique path through the creative process and navigate difficult emotions. Before you know it, things can feel a little more hopeful and manageable. New questions can lead to new insights. See if you can invite a sense of playfulness into your experience at this point. Know that things don’t have to be perfect.

Number Six: ask what would support you right now.

So often we feel like we should be able to do it all alone. It’s part of our culture’s message of individualism in the West. We are told we are broken if we can’t figure it all out on our own. We forget we have supports all around us, if we are just quiet enough to check in with ourselves and ask what we need, we can usually use our creativity to find it. Do you need support learning a new medium? Do you want to attend a workshop to learn from an experienced creative? Do you need encouragement? Do you need a book that will inspire the socks of you? Do you want to take a solo retreat for a day or a weekend, to focus on your project uninterrupted? Do you need to simply tidy up your creative space or studio, breathing new life and shifting the energy in your work environment? Please make sure to ask yourself: What type of additional support do I need right now? Then, please seek that out.

Number seven: Acknowledge this is temporary.

All experiences in life ebb and flow. Emotions don’t last forever. The more we can allow our emotions to flow, noticing and feeling them without judging ourselves for having them or getting stuck trying to be somehow different, better or improved, the more ease we will experience in our creative lives. Remind yourself that everyone faces challenging emotions in their creative lives. It can be a vulnerable thing, using our voice, claiming time and space for ourselves, making a mark, putting ourselves out there. Remember you are not alone. While you may not know how to get to where you want to go in your creative expression just yet, know that you have faced and come through unknown territory before. You have come up with creative solutions before, and you will again. I believe in you. I’ve personally been through this process so, so many times. And I have seen and coached and mentored and supported and loved so many hundreds of students and clients who have all faced their own challenging emotions around creative express and come through them. Time and again I’ve seen them gently navigate this process following this framework and using these steps. It helps so much, when they are facing whatever challenging emotions that can arise amidst the creative process. Whether it’s perfectionism, self-doubt, fear, uncertainty, or creative shame. This simple framework is so helpful. So to recap, Number one: name the experience and acknowledge your feelings. Feel your feelings and befriend your feelings. Be kind to yourself. Number two: Get creative and start to ask new questions. See if you can invite a sense of playfulness into your experience here. Know that things don’t have to be perfect. New questions will help you to find your pathway through this challenge. And remember to ask what would support you right now. Number three: Remember this is temporary and you are not alone in this experience. Other people also are experiencing similar feelings, right now, all around the globe. This experience will naturally shift and change over time. Ok everyone! That’s my little teaching on how to navigate challenging emotions amidst the creative process. We all have them, and we all will have them again sometime in the future. I hope this framework is helpful.