What if People Don't Like Your Creation?

Responses to the Painting & Creativity questionnaire I put out last week were so beautiful. Thank you for sharing your stories, experiences and ideas with me.

Something I noticed from the replies, was so many people have been hurt by teachers, mentors, parents. Who didn’t nurture their creative spirit. Who didn’t canoodle their fledgling beginnings and explorations. And funny enough, that’s when we need it most, in the beginning.

When we begin to show our underbelly, we need love. That’s how we grow. Love from ourselves, love from those around us, and love for the process.

It reminded me of the time a dear friend asked me if I could teach her to paint. I asked what was holding her back. At the top of her list was fear about what people would think of her work. She was worried, to use her words, “they’d think it was crap.”

“Don’t show anyone,” was my reply.

When you’re beginning a new work, close the door to the world. Turn off social media. Turn up the music. Have a dance. Wiggle your hips. Squeeze out some paint. And have a play.

The beauty of painting is you don’t have to show anybody anything. Not unless or until you’re ready to, anyway. And when you do, you can be selective about who you allow to see your creations. Plus, you can let them know what you are looking for from them at different stages; praise, encouragement, ideas or feedback on how it makes them feel.

Sometimes we have to show people our creations, in which case I have a perspective that’s served me well through my days at university where we had critiques every seven weeks.

I always held this approach dear to my heart: listen to what they have to say, and always remember they are filtering their judgements through their preferences. Everybody has likes and dislikes. We all have personality blueprints and they cross over to our creative blueprints.

Some people won’t like anything you make.

When that happens I ask myself, what do they like? Do their likes (or values) line up with what I care about or want more of in my life? Are they an example of where I want to go, what I want to achieve, or the impact I want to have? Are they accepting of themselves and their work? If not, I try not to take their feedback on board. Or at least take it with a grain of salt.

Listen to people who light you up, who believe in you, who genuinely want the best for you, or who have walked the path you want to follow. Not people who feel better about themselves the more they belittle, criticise or nit-pick your work.

I once went to a writing workshop and we each had a chance to write ferociously for 20 minutes. Then we were invited to read it aloud. That in itself was scary. Added to the fact the exercise had been to write about a difficult situation from our past.

However, it turned out to be a very gentle and inspiring experience. Why? Because the teacher set up safety containers. Cushions. Protective measures for us all. He made it clear this wasn’t the time for pointing the finger or weeding out any bad elements of the work, it was purely about giving the writing (and the writer!) the nutrients they needed to flourish.

Basically, no one was to say anything critical of anyone’s piece. This was a completely supportive experience where each classmate in turn was invited to share one thing about each others’ writing they liked or thought worked.

Stephen King wrote a fantastic book called On Writing, and in it he talks about finding your ‘ideal reader’. That person who sits waiting to hear your stories, who can’t get enough of you, who loves you and loves your work. His ideal reader happens to be his beloved wife.

I’ve taken that tact with visual art and overlapped it with finding an ideal viewer. For years my ideal viewer (& reader!) has been my dearest friend Christy. Nowadays I’m fortunate enough to have two ideal viewers, Christy and my gorgeous husband Andrew.

What I’ve found is we can help the people we love to help us in our creative endeavours. I let Christy or Andrew know all the time what I need from them: “Ok, so this isn’t finished yet, and it’s going to be tightened up, so all I’m ready for is your encouragement right now.” (Thankfully they love my work).

I’ve learnt to trust the process and know a little further down the track I’ll be ready for a more critical eye where they can point out any parts that are missing, don’t make sense, or need more polishing.

Sharing your work is personal. It follows a trajectory. Showing it to others too soon, to the ‘wrong’ people, or to people you haven’t negotiated the appropriate cushions with yet, can mean creative suicide for that piece, that modality, or that part of yourself.

Don’t do that.

Set up a cushioned room for your first viewing, with your ideal viewer, and be gentle with yourself.

And next time you you feel like someone just pulled the carpet out from under your feet about something you’ve created or produced, ask yourself where they are coming from. Are they simply filtering your work through their personal likes and dislikes? Are they in competition with you?

That’s ok. Just be aware of it, and include how they formed their perspective in your awareness.

Just because they don’t like olives or avocado doesn’t mean olives or avos are crap.

They could be filtering your work through the ever-present critical voice in their head, that doesn’t let them create freely. If so, remember, their opinion has actually got nothing to do with your work at all.

All art is subjective. There is room for everyone. And always know you don’t have to play with people who pull you down.

With love,

Nicola xx

PS. Enjoy this story? If so, please feel free to share it with your friends. You’ll be offering them encouragement to explore their creative hearts too!

Share your comments. How about you? How have you faced criticism of your work in the past? It doesn’t have to be specific to art or creativity. It could be a new project at work, or something you’ve done around your home. What have you done to help yourself move through it and keep creating?

Share your experience in the comments below and let’s inspire one another to follow our creative hearts. After all, that’s where the joy of life is!