The Only “Right Way” Is To Embrace What Is Right For You
“We sailed from Lake Macquarie back to Pittwater in 30+ knot winds,” texted a fellow sailor who had left a few days prior.
Meanwhile, my husband Andrew and I were waiting for a good weather window to leave Lake Macquarie so we could head back to Sydney. I continued reading their text message.
“The wind was coming from behind the boat and caught the sail, flinging the boom across to the other side. Our shackle broke and the boom hit my wife in the head,” they wrote.
My husband Andrew and I looked up from the phone at each other, eyes wide, shaking our heads.
When I was eleven my mum was almost killed in a very similar scenario. I won’t go into the gory details, but it was one of the most traumatic events of my life and it put me off sailing for many years. I found, and still sometimes find, that the whole process of sailing can be terrifying.
What made me change my mind, and be willing to re-embrace a lifestyle I love, was a desire for a simpler life and being in alignment with my husband and his approach to sailing.
My husband is a very safety-conscious person.
We are a good fit when it comes to sailing. We both want to feel safe, secure and calm as much as possible.
Some people, however, are wired for adrenaline. They thrive on it. The sailor who sent us that text was a self-confessed adrenaline junkie. He and his wife loved motorbike riding and feeling the rush of adrenaline anytime they got the chance.
On the other hand, my husband and I want a calm life. There’s been more than enough ups and downs from our respective pasts, and we don’t want to put ourselves in harm’s way.
However, instead of thinking sailing wasn’t for us, we found ways to make it work for our needs. We took into account our nervous systems and desired pace of life. We loved the idea of sailing together, but we were very conscious of how we wanted it to feel.
When I’ve sailed with other captains, their focus has often been on winning the race, showing off their skills to others, and having an impressive story to tell at the bar afterwards.
Not us.
These days we don’t drink, for starters.
Our focus has been on exploring new places, taking our time to get to know an area before moving on, choosing the safest option, maintaining our boat and safety equipment and communicating our needs and feelings with each other so both of us feel as safe as possible.
Just as there are a lot of different ways to sail a boat, there are a lot of different ways to live a purposeful life.
If you have tried something in the past and it scared the wits out of you, dysregulated your nervous system for days or weeks, and left you feeling like pursuing your dream is impossible, maybe it wasn’t your dream itself that was not for you.
Maybe it was the approach you took and the expectations you carried about how it had to be reached.
When we don’t accept how we are wired and what we need in order to flourish, we set ourselves up to struggle.
Each of us has our own likes, dislikes, needs and attributes that are as unique to us as our fingerprints. Fighting against ourselves, trying to mould ourselves to fit someone else's ‘blueprint’ or approach to life, while neglecting and overriding our own inner guidance, is a surefire way to feel defeated.
Some of us are neurodiverse, have complex trauma, or highly sensitive nervous systems, or we are introverted and the ‘normal’ ways of doing things don’t work for us. That is not to say we can’t pursue what lights us up. It just means we need to include all of who we are. Our whole selves, and be creative in how we chart a course that is suitable and right for us.
My husband and I took close to 3 years to sail up the east coast of Australia. Some sailors do it there and back in three months. We reminded ourselves regularly that it was not a competition. There is not one right way to do it.
The only ‘right way’ is to do what is right for you.
If it takes you longer, or you need more breaks, or you prioritise other excursions along the way because you value travel, exploring and soaking up an area before you move on, do that. Own it.
You can chart your own course, in a way that honours your needs, promotes a sense of safety, and still reach your desired destination. You can be your own best friend. Take a vested interest in your inner world. Find what scares you and, holding that part of yourself oh so tenderly, find ways to move forward that honour and cherish all the different parts of you.
In fact, that is the way I have found to be most effective for crafting a purposeful life. By being extra kind and nurturing towards myself, when fears pop up, they don’t have to completely derail my progress. Sometimes it’s just a matter of slightly adjusting my course.
Whether your desire is to cultivate a healthy relationship, build a heart-centred business, pursue a cause that gives back to your community, or nurture your deep interest in something others may deem to be an ‘unproductive’ topic (such as philosophy or the arts), or simply find what brings you joy, meaning and fulfilment, you can do it in a way that honours all of who you are.
Your fears and frailties, as well as your strengths and attributes.
In fact, that deep self-knowledge and most importantly self-acceptance is part of the foundation of navigating to the heart of your purpose. When you know and embrace all the parts of yourself, you can use self-nurturance to help you do things you may never have dreamed possible.
Like sailing from Sydney to Townsville, without a whole suite of terrifying stories to tell at the bar afterwards.
I’m thrilled to invite you to join Odyssey: Navigate to the Heart of Your Purpose
Odyssey is a gentle, supportive and robust coaching experience where we will meet fortnightly for coaching calls over ten months. It is a space dedicated to your growth, self-discovery, and developing tools to help you navigate to the heart of your purpose with authenticity, self-compassion, motivation and courage.
Through bi-weekly sessions and a whole suite of tools, resources and practices, you will learn how to connect with yourself, listen to your heart, and trust your inner guidance. You will also receive support in exploring what truly matters to you and how you can live a life that is in alignment with your values.
We will spend plenty of time exploring how to navigate through the storms we face when we say ‘yes’ to following our hearts, too. Those storms include the triggers, shame, fear, self-doubt and imposter syndrome that can be synonymous with exploring a new way of being in the world.
Applications are open now and I warmly invite you to learn more about the program on this page here.
We begin our voyage in early November and I’d love to welcome you aboard.
If this sounds of interest to you, I invite you to read through the details, see if it feels like a fit for you, and if so, then complete the application. We will then have a conversation together and I’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have. I’ll also ask you some questions to make sure the program is a good fit for you and, if so, invite you to join our intimate cohort.
When we are brave enough to face our fears, uncover where we may feel shame or guilt, and lovingly embrace and nurture all the different parts of ourselves, there is so much joy to be discovered, passion to be experienced and fulfilment to be found. This is how we navigate to the heart of our purpose. This is how we find or recover deep meaning and fulfilment in our lives.
I warmly invite you to join us in Odyssey: Navigate to the Heart of Your Purpose.
It’s going to be a very special journey.
One that could help shape the direction of your lifetime.
With my warm wishes,
Nicola xx
About Nicola Newman
I'm a Creative Business Coach, Award-Winning Artist & Mentor for Creative Hearts who want to flourish, flow & prosper.
My passion is inspiring and supporting Creative Hearts to trust their inner wisdom and carve out a life that’s personally meaningful and fulfilling to them.
I share practical, evidence-based tools for Creative Hearts seeking to improve their lives or businesses. My work draws from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), mindfulness-based techniques, body-based practices, and neuroscience -- and my own creative living adventures -- among other approaches.
My mission is to support Creative Hearts to:
Dissolve creative blocks, develop a loving relationship with themselves, nurture their creativity and reframe the beliefs and patterns that keep them from following their heart and making the creative contribution they would love to make in the world.
My approach is to embrace gentleness, playfulness and self-care to navigate self-doubt and instead cultivate deep self-trust so you can truly enjoy the creative process, bring together your body of work, make money doing what you love and leave a creative legacy you’re proud of.
Let’s pour a cuppa and get to know one another, shall we? :) Read more about my story here.
