Shhhh... Listen! Do You Hear The Sound Of Seasons?
So, as you may know, Andrew and I met and got married very quickly two years ago.
It was one of those incredible experiences where you just know this is the right person for you.
And so seven weeks after our first proper date, we were married. Which is a lot to adjust to in your day to day life.
Routines were changed and my focus shifted.
One thing I was conscious of letting go at the time was my morning ritual of sitting in the orchard writing. It just didn’t feel right to be getting up and leaving my newly wedded husband alone in bed while I pontificated on my own in the orchard. No, I wanted cuddles and leisurely lie ins and quite simply, I just wanted to be with him.
Saying goodbye, even for an hour, didn’t light me up. At all.
Which was quite new for this woman. I was used to vehemently protecting my routines, my creative output and my individuality. So the realisation I actually wanted to be with this man, like, pretty much all of the time, came as a surprise, and with a number of new adjustments.
For one thing, I had to reassure myself it wasn’t co-dependence. It wasn’t unhealthy. It was ok to want to be with him. He was, after all, my husband. And we were both were very independent people in our lives before we met. We didn’t need to live in each others’ pockets. We wanted to!
Neither of us had been married before and had been longing to find a connection like we have discovered with each other for decades, so now that we’d found it, we were relishing it.
Making each other laugh, going on adventures, playing in the garden, even going to the grocery store was (and still is!) fun together.
And every now and then a little voice would badger me, “You’re not writing enough. You’re not blogging enough. You’re not keeping your journal enough.” At which point I would look inside and see if that was really true, or if it was just my frightened self worried I was letting it all slip. Perhaps I was letting myself down?
So I’d pick up the computer and begin to type, or I’d turn to a new blank page in my journal (I love to hand write or type, depending on my mood) and write. And I’d write about Andrew. About how grateful I am that we met, about what I need to buy from the shops, how cute Lacey Jane was, how I hadn’t slept well and was tired, the changing colour of the leaves on the big tree in the veggie patch, the new gardens we’d made, building the studio, or figuring out how to design and teach Flourish with Painting & Creativity.
And then I’d look at what I’d written and think it wasn’t really very entertaining and not really for my blog and then occasionally feel the pressure to write something more interesting, more heartfelt, and more of a story, to keep readers engaged.
But I didn’t have anything to say. Except, I’m really, really happy. And I really, really love my husband. And I’m so, so grateful we met and Lacey Jane is the cutest dog in the whole world.
And then I’d put the computer or the journal down again and go back to playing with Andrew, building the studio or designing the course.
And my writing waited.
My voice waited.
I trusted it would come back (through sheer faith some weeks).
And now, I’m sitting in the orchard, writing to you. The geese have had goslings in the dam opposite me and the mango tree looks like it won’t fruit this year as the rain knocked off its flowers. The nectarine tree is laden with fruit however, as is the tropical peach on my right. We’ll have to net the trees if we want to save any fruit for ourselves from the birds. I don’t usually get around to netting the trees, then again, I don’t eat a lot of fruit. But I do love watching it grow, and I do adore seeing the birds feast on it with their dexterous claws.
In Flourish with Painting & Creativity I had the opportunity to cut down the course from eight modules back to six. Many online courses suffer ‘student retention’; people beginning strong then dropping off during the third and forth week. So I was wondering if it would be doing my students a service if I could condense the content for them to make the program shorter.
But the final two modules are very dear to me. One is about Growth, were we look at dealing with criticism and developing your own style, and the final module is about Rhythms.
And rhythms is exactly what I’ve become so passionate about, the longer I’m on this earth.
The idea that we can’t, and don’t need to, do everything all at once.
Have you ever seen a tree trying to drop its leaves and grow fresh new ones and flower and produce fruit from new bud to plump ready to harvest all at once? Nature doesn’t work like that. And funnily enough, neither do we. Not sustainably.
We too need the allow time for the autumn, where we release things, and winter, where we rest and rebuild our strength. Those are not the sexy seasons in our culture. They’re not the seasons were people can see anything much happening, any productivity or fruitfulness. But those are the times when we are drawing resources inside of ourselves to carry us through the outpourings of spring and summer.
Rhythms and seasons mean while you’re focusing on one area of your life, another has time to rest.
Like cultivating a marriage while my writing percolated beneath the surface.
In one area, I was happy to be flourishing. Andrew and I have built something truly special between us. We’ve focused on working together and discovering how to be a team, drawing forth each other’s strengths all the while accepting it will push each other’s buttons at times and those are the times we need to allow each other to have a reaction and talk it out and clear the air so things don’t build up over time.
It’s been a truly remarkable experience.
And it will be one that continues to grow and develop as time passes.
But when I look back over the past two years, I can see focusing on our relationship is bearing a great deal of fruit. We’ve together built a beautiful foundation of communication, openness, honesty, transparency, supportiveness, laughter, playfulness, fun and productivity. But the productivity hasn’t come at a cost to us personally. It’s been a playground for us to lean on each other, learn from each other and grow together.
It’s been fun and it’s been a challenge.
And all the while, I’ve had to trust my writing would return when the time was right.
Well, that time is now. I can feel it in my bones.
But I did have to do a few things to get back into the flow again; because like a runner who hasn’t run for a while, writing seemed daunting, painful and difficult to begin with.
Here are the three things I’ve used to help me get back on the horse after what feels like two years off (and only dabbling to write occasional personal pieces for the blog).
3 Steps to Get Back in the Flow of Writing
1. Reading Books About Writing
I turned to my book shelf and found the section on writing. I already have a large collection of books on writing, but I bought a few new ones too, for good measure. For about a month I’d been reading books about writing, but it didn’t click until I began re-reading Writing Down the Bones by Nathalie Goldberg last week.
We’d borrowed my in-laws beautiful motor home and headed up to Maleny for a few days (because we both get itchy feet and need to be on the move regularly to stay inspired and focused). It rained pretty much the whole time we were there, which was perfect weather for reading, tucked up in bed watching the changing sky through the large back picture window as the storms rolled in over the hill.
And Nathalie wrote something, which really struck a chord with me.
She mentioned how she has a notebook that she fills up every month. It didn’t matter how good her writing was in that notepad, it was just important that she filled it every month. If she came to the 27th day of the month and she’d only written seven pages, she had a whole lot of pages to fill before the end of the month.
So I began to write 1000 words a day. Not special words. Not words that had to go anywhere or do anything. Just words.
Enough words to prime the pump and remind me how easy it can be to write if you detach from the outcome and just focus on the quantity instead of the quality.
Yesterday I’d been focusing on other things all day, and it wasn’t until 11:30pm that I settled into the couch to get my 1000 words out. I didn’t want to break my running streak. They weren’t particularly interesting words, but I did fall into the moment about half way through and I felt my fingers typing without a commentary in my mind saying what I was doing was no good.
I was just writing. I wasn’t judging my writing at the same time.
And it was fun!
I remembered how it can be fun to write!
It can draw you into the moment and twist and turn to reveal things to yourself you didn’t already know. That’s the kind of writing I love.
Today is my fifth day. And I woke up propelled by how much I enjoyed myself last night and feeling good about myself for just turning up and keeping my commitment to myself and writing 1000 words. I couldn’t wait to get back into the orchard for the first time in over a year and pick up where I left off. It feels damn good, let me tell you.
2. Decluttering, Cleaning & Sorting Stuff Out
I’ve also spent the last week cleaning. Decluttering and sorting stuff out.
I’ve tidied up my desktop on my computer so everything I’m focusing on is in lovely folders, and files I no longer need or am using are stored safely behind the scenes in my documents folder or One Drive. I created a new desktop picture that highlights what I want to focus on, (namely writing a book, sending a blog post and newsletter to you each week, and designing a new art website) so every time I open the computer I’m reminded visually of what I want to create.
I also had to reinstall Firefox because my old version was playing up, and funnily enough, starting from scratch with a fresh install has forced me to clean up my links and boxes that lead to websites so they are only the ones I truly need, and are in an order that makes sense to me.
I’ve already noticed how this has taken a huge stress off of my mind and made being focused and productive a lot easier. Less clutter to cut through makes it so much easier to focus on what’s important.
Yesterday I spent the entire day (yes, the entire day) cleaning the bathroom cupboards and under the kitchen sink. I pulled everything out and only put back what was useful, tossing out two garbage bags of stuff we didn’t need.
I did the same thing with our van, rearranging the drawers and taking out all the stuff we don’t need in there, paving the way for our next adventure and trip away (which I can feel in on the horizon now.)
I also sorted out Andrew’s closet the week before, which makes us both extremely happy. Well, probably I’m a little more happy with it than him, but he does like it 🙂
3. Focused on the Practice, not the Product
I think the major thing that’s helped me fall in love with writing again, has been focusing on the practice and not the product. Taking the pressure off of myself to write elegantly, smartly, or in an entertaining fashion has been one thing, but the major shift has been actually just setting my sights on writing a quantity of words each day again.
I’ve used the 1000 words a day trick many times in the past, and it always leads to break-through sooner or later.
This time, it feels like a miracle, because really, any time a season changes, it is a miracle.
New blossoms after a cold winter.
Gently fanning out, peeling back, splaying their petals to the warming sun.
It is a miracle. Don’t ever think a changing season is anything less.
Even when it’s a changing from summer to autumn and then winter again. That process of dormancy is to be cherished equally and embraced and allowed for what it is.
Every season is part of the natural rhythms of living.
The flourishing and the relinquishing; the letting go and the bringing forth. It’s all good. It’s all ok.
And it’s all part of the creative process.
Wishing you a beautiful, gentle day, full of appreciation for the natural rhythms in all areas of your life.
With love,
Nicola xx
PS. What season do you feel you are in now in your life? We can be in different seasons for different areas of life. Just naming them can feel like a weight lifted off our shoulders of feeling we have to be in spring and summer in every area, all the time. xx