The Discomfort of Wanting More
I’ve had multiple conversations with clients and friends this week about the discomfort of wanting more.
It can feel almost like a guilt, or unease, when we look at our lives and see they are stable, secure and ticking along nicely in many respects, and yet, a deeper part of us is feeling restless, dissatisfied, and uninspired.
When we are in this phase, we can coax ourselves to continue going through the motions. Wake up and tick off our tasks. But we don’t feel that spring of excitement that we once knew. Instead, we are careful not to rock the boat. We find we are careful to keep things the same because we are afraid we might burn down the thing we have spent so much time building if we attempt to make a change, whether that be in our lives, careers or relationships.
But it is only natural to want to grow.
We see it in nature all around us. Never does a plant say, “Well, I’ve got this much nutrients and fertiliser now, I guess I should be happy and not want or need any more.”
No, nature is growing, expanding, and broadening always. Right up until it reaches the end of its life.
We are like that plant.
We might start by wanting to spend time doing something ‘just for us’. That in itself might feel scary or triggering. But we work through the blocks, we cultivate healthy boundaries, we buy the supplies we need and we make the decision on the weekend to spend time playing with our new pursuit.
Eventually, we want more.
We might find we want a space where we can leave our supplies strewn around and not have to pack them up every time the family needs to eat dinner. So we set about getting inventive and we clear a corner of the garage, or transform the spare room and decide guests can stay in a hotel after all, or we add a small desk into our existing office that is dedicated to doing what lights us up.
We love our new space and find we are making more. It is easier to produce when we have our own dedicated space.
Perhaps next we feel a desire to share our work with the world. It’s all piling up and we want to bring joy to others with what we produce.
So the idea is planted and we find ourselves researching how to sell our creations or license our designs. One thing leads to another and we make our first sale, or hold our first workshop, or we kick-start a fund-raiser for a cause we believe in.
Perhaps you have worked in corporate or private practise for years and now you have a longing to mentor others who are new to this path, or you simply long for a year’s sabbatical to distill your learnings into a book.
See how one part of the journey leads to the next?
We go through decades that are often dedicated to different stages of growth in our lives.
Our own Odyssey is like that. And yet, I commonly hear from clients and I have experienced myself, that when we notice a new desire brewing we can quickly have the follow-up thought, “But perhaps I should just be happy with what I already have… I should be grateful and not want more.”
Here’s the thing...
We can be grateful for what we have AND we can expand.
We can appreciate what we have learnt, built, experienced, and we can weave all of that into the next iteration of our growth.
It’s not about burning everything down (although sometimes it might feel like it). We don’t loose our skills, experience, or knowledge just because we pivot our direction. We bring all of those parts of ourselves along with us. And when we learn to trust ourselves and follow our hearts, using our navigation instruments to tune into our inner world, we find ways to weave those threads into a bigger tapestry that forms the expanded version of our life.
While it can and does have challenges, growth is what we were born to do. We are not meant to be stagnant or governed by fear. Like a plant transforming sunlight to grow new cells, we have a natural right to expand and develop our interests.
We can follow our curiosities down rabbit holes and out again until we discover we are in the midst of a life that feels alive, invigorating, sparkly, inspiring and unique to us.
If you would like to join an intimate cohort of other Creative Hearts who are navigating their way to the heart of their purpose, I would love to work with you and support you as your mentor, guide and coach.
You can find out more about my group coaching program, Odyssey: Navigate to the Heart of Your Purpose here and if it feels exciting to you, we can have a private call to explore more about how you would like to shape this next season of your life.
I would be delighted to be on your team and to hold space for you to process things both personally and professionally as you shape your own unique creative life.
What does wanting more look and feel like for you?
How were you socialised growing up to think about wanting more?
What has happened in the past when you’ve wanted more and how does that affect your thoughts and feelings now?
How can you attend to your body and nervous system to provide a sense of safety as you explore wanting more?
As always, be kind to yourself and nurture your creativity.
With my warmest wishes,
Nicola xx
About Nicola Newman
I'm a Creative Business Coach, Award-Winning Artist & Mentor for Creative Hearts who want to flourish, flow & prosper.
My passion is inspiring and supporting Creative Hearts to trust their inner wisdom and carve out a life that’s personally meaningful and fulfilling to them.
I share practical, evidence-based tools for Creative Hearts seeking to improve their lives or businesses. My work draws from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), mindfulness-based techniques, body-based practices, and neuroscience -- and my own creative living adventures -- among other approaches.
My mission is to support Creative Hearts to:
Dissolve creative blocks, develop a loving relationship with themselves, nurture their creativity and reframe the beliefs and patterns that keep them from following their heart and making the creative contribution they would love to make in the world.
My approach is to embrace gentleness, playfulness and self-care to navigate self-doubt and instead cultivate deep self-trust so you can truly enjoy the creative process, bring together your body of work, make money doing what you love and leave a creative legacy you’re proud of.
Let’s pour a cuppa and get to know one another, shall we? :) Read more about my story here.
