Define Success in Alignment with Your Values
**I’m reposting this post from the 7 Days to Gentle Business social media sharing series I just finished with @amandarootsey & @naomilarnold. It was so warmly received, I don’t want you to miss it if you’re not on Instagram or Facebook, so here’s the full post from Day One below. Much of this post comes from the book I’m currently writing about living a creative life, so if you enjoy it, please stay tuned for the book in a few months time (I can’t wait to publish my first book on Amazon – Oh, be still my beating heart!!!)**
Defining success on your terms is a magnificent gift to yourself. When we’re living in line with our values we are not easily phased by what others are doing, and we care less about what other people think we should be doing. We are connected with our heart and the satisfaction we feel from living in line with what’s important to us, right now. ⠀
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Uncovering your values from the dust, debris and detritus of every-day, modern life is not something we’re taught at school, but it can be learnt, and it doesn’t have to take very long. ⠀
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The first time I put my values into three words was in a psychologist’s office when I was in my early twenties. We were going through a pile of words, and I separated them into piles according to which were important to me, and which weren’t. They were words like Intimacy, Adventure, Creativity, Security, Trust, Loyalty, Integrity. ⠀
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I remember the first three because at the time I distilled them down to being my most important values; intimacy, creativity and adventure. From there, I found it much easier to make decisions on where I wanted to spend my time, where to focus my attention on what was important to me, and what to invest my money in so it was in alignment with what would bring me the most joy. I made sure, for example, to put money aside in my weekly budget for travel, adventures, camping, art supplies, and books. ⠀
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But quite aside from money, knowing your values is one of the best gifts you can give yourself when it comes to crafting a life that lights you up from the inside and feels worthwhile and fulfilling. Because it will open up a solid knowing of who you are, what is important to you, and in doing so, likely free you up to behave in quite counter-cultural ways (perhaps deciding to sell everything and live on a yacht, for example ;)).
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You’ll begin to live your life unconventionally, simply because you’ve taken the time to get to know yourself and not be told how to live by the powers that be (or the corporations who profit from you not questioning the status quo). We can’t buy soulful satisfaction from the store, we have to choose, against the tide of our culture, to honour our values in order to experience the deep, soulful satisfaction we long for.
Defining Your Values is an Ongoing Process
Revisit your values and check in on them as you age. I’ve found in my thirties, my desires and values have subtly shifted from those in my twenties. It is natural for the seasons to change in our lives, and part of growing up is releasing what no longer serves us and cultivating those things that are appropriate for the new era. Your values might shift drastically, particularly if you have a life-changing experience or event, or they may shift slightly to the side. Tying to rigidly hold onto what worked in the past will only leave you feeling off kilter. So checking in with yourself, being honest with how you feel, with what you need to support you now, and listening to your authentic heart’s longings, is an ongoing journey. One that can not be set in stone and forgotten.
Our values and desires need our compassionate, gentle curiosity to discover what is true for us in this moment of our lives. From there, we can create a life that’s not stuck in the past thinking “this is how things have always been done”, and not putting off our joy until some time in the future. Instead, we can create a life that is unique and current for us. We can feel successful in our lives now, when we are clear on and living in alignment with our values.
Embrace Your Values
Once you discover your values, or perhaps during the process of narrowing down the most important ones, it’s helpful to remember no values are intrinsically better or more valuable than others. What is important to you is important to you. You don’t have to change who you are to be more like someone you follow online, or mould yourself to fit into your family’s expectations or societal norms. You are allowed to want what you want, desire what you desire, and choose to prioritise those things that truly matter to you. Our different personalities predispose us to different motivators, rewards and fears. And when we accept ourselves as we are, it opens us up to accepting others as they are. I’ve found, the less I pressure myself to be different from the way I am, the less I criticise or judge those around me and more I accept they are acting in accordance with what is important for them.
At the heart of it, we all want to be happy, loved, accepted and to live well, but how we experience those states differ between each of us and, as we already touched on, are likely to morph and change over time in our own lives. Taking the time to have an honest exploration with yourself about your most powerful values is the best way I’ve found to create a rich and fulfilling life. Give yourself the gift of knowing your values. For me that means expressing my creativity, embracing a slower, more contemplative pace of life, cultivating simplicity and nurturing my insatiable curiosity. Defining success in alignment with your own values will reward you tenfold.
Whatever area your heart is calling you towards in your life deserves your attentive ear to listen closely. By doing so, you will continue to fine tune, readjust, and navigate through the myriad of options we have on a daily basis, and consciously nurture a life that reflects your values and feels successful for you.
How to Discover Your Values
You may already be clear on what you want to experience next in your life, or you may be curious to see what is beneath your to do list and long to discover more about what is possible for you to experience and cultivate in your life right now. There are a number of ways you can tune in and listen to what your heart desires and discover your personal values. Let’s explore those processes together now, shall we? They are fun, I promise!
My personal favourite way of staying connected to my values is through free journalling. When you give yourself permission to tell the truth in your journal, you’ll be in tune with your heart’s desires and, instead of having to force yourself to do something, you’ll feel enthusiastic and inspired. If you’re facing a block, you’ll find ways around it. When we are clear about our current values, it brings clarity to our priorities and to do list, and when you act on those priorities, you’ll go to sleep at night knowing you’ve focused on what’s important to you. You’ll feel excited about possibilities opening up as you trust your heart and take steps towards creating what you want. If I’m feeling creatively blocked, looking for comfort or solace, or a way to reconnect with myself, I’ll pick up my journal and write, write, write.
Here are a few journal prompts for you if you’re looking for starting points. Try to answer at least five times for each question:
It’s important to me to be……
My heart longs for more….
I feel in flow when…
…. is important to me.
Once you have your list of 20 or so things, try to group them into overlapping themes. So, if you found you wrote “I’m important for me to be creative” and “I feel in flow when I’m painting” (two examples from my own life), then creativity would be one value you can write on your list.
This process in an of itself is awesome. If you want to, you can this prioritise your values, since it can be difficult to remember more than about 6 at a time. Distilling them down into the most important 3-5 will be like having your own inner compass to guide you through life at this point in time.
I’d love to hear what your values are in the comments below. Please feel free to share and please also check out @amandarootsey, and @naomilarnold for their take on this topic and their personal list of values.